(woman panting on the other end of the phone) Yes, I'm on the River Trail by the Big Dam Bridge.
Uh no?
Do you need a police officer?
Well, no I don't think so.
What can I do for you?
Well, my name is Easily Grossed out. I'm in Burns Park on the River Trail...(heavy breathing, lots of panting)....riding my bike..................................
Do you have an emergency? (or did you just call me to tell me you are outside enjoying the beautiful day, sunshine and fresh air while I'm stuck inside this old nasty building breathing stale air?)
Well, not really....you see there is a deer on the trail......
What is the deer doing? (Is it sleeping? Playing poker with his friends?)
IT'S DEAD!!!!
Alright, we'll put a call into animal control tomorrow and have them pick it up. (it's Sunday)
No, you need to have them come out today. It looks like the deer has been here a couple of days.
I'm sorry but due to budget cuts animal control only comes out if an animal is being vicious.
Well that's just dumb.
I understand how you feel ma'am...
No you don't (at this point she's rested enough that she is no longer panting)....you see the turkey vultures are eating it.
No you don't, I'm looking at it.
(well, then stop looking at it!!!!)
Yes ma'am I'm sure that it's very disturbing, I'll make sure that I put the call in personally tomorrow to animal control tomorrow morning as soon as they open....
Fine, I guess I'll just have to find a different route back to my car.
You have a nice bike ride ma'am....
